Just hanging on.

Sometimes I feel as though I’m just barely clinging to my new lifestyle.  I feel the old me pulling like gravity pulling on a climber trying to reach the summit.  It would be so much easier to just let go of the triathlete in me, and not have to worry about where I am going to fit in my next run, bike, or swim workout.

Lately, my life has been chaotic.  I have had a million things dumped on my plate and don’t seem have enough time in a day to fit everything in.  As a result, my training has fallen by the wayside.  For the past 2 weeks, my training has been sporadic at best.  In it’s place are days filled with getting up at 4:30 a.m.,  leaving the house by 5:30, returning home by 3:00 p.m, and chaos all afternoon until I have no time left to train, and no energy left if I did have the time.  With no time to cook, I had a couple weeks there where I was eating out too much.  A couple of guys at work gave their notice, so on their last day, we all went out for a beer.  I had a few too many beers over the last couple of weeks.

After a couple of weeks of sporadic training due to this crazy, hectic, not enough time in my day chaos, I notice my mood start to shift.  I start to lose my motivation for everything.  I start to feel regret for not making the time to train.  I start worrying about how much of my base fitness I am losing.  I start worrying if I have thrown my Ironman training program off so much, there will be no catching up.  The stress really starts to add up, and I just want to pick up a 6 pack of beer on the way home and vegetate on the couch watching TV until I fall asleep in my recliner.  Oh that would be so easy.

BUT I WON’T DO THAT!!  I won’t let go.  I won’t take the easy way out.  I want to get to Kona to damn bad.  If I let go, I will surely fall to an early death, as 3 previous generations of my paternal bloodline have.  NO!  THAT WILL NOT BE ME!!  I will break the cycle, I will set a good example for my son, and damn it, I will live the healthy lifestyle of an age grouper triathlete.  I love how training feels, I love being tired from riding 150 miles in a week, and I take a shit load of pride in being able to do something that 99% of people won’t do.  Notice how I said won’t?  They could, they just won’t.  Instead, they will let their pathetic excuses rule their lives, and they will succumb to obesity and a sedentary lifestyle.  Well, that won’t be me.  I refuse to let gravity pull me back to being the lazy, fat, bad eating, over drinking, depressed individual that I was.

My summit is Kona.  It is the long healthy life I plan on living.  If I let go, or lose site of it, I will surely die younger than is necessary.

I may be just hanging on, but it is only to gather my thoughts, prioritize my life, and map out a plan to get to that summit!  This weekend, I mustered up the strength to do my long ride on Saturday, and a short ride (16 miles) followed by my long run (7.7 miles) on Sunday.  I realized that my base fitness has carried me through to this period of just hanging on.  I was reminded that I AM A TRIATHLETE.  I am not a beer guzzling, junk food eating, fat, lazy guy anymore, and I refuse to let go.  I will reach the summit.

See you in Kona.

 

3 Responses so far.

  1. Joanne Baxas says:

    It is so important that you believe that you are the new Chad inside and out. Don’t think you’re the old Chad in a new body or you will go back.

    You’re such an inspiration, a more positive role model hard to find!

    Keep hanging on, I’m right there on that ledge next to you hanging on myself!

  2. Pattie says:

    Your drive to compete is the same part of you that beats yourself up and eats at you with guilt. It is the same motivator wearing its other face. Not to worry it is not the side of you that will win. On another note let’s start on that fund raiser. I have more pieces you can pick up at the gallery in Olympia for it. Let’s talk.

  3. Dave says:

    HI

    Great post

    i think who you were is me now lazy , fattish,knackered unhappy unhealthy beer gut boasting 42 year old bloke

    you commented on my swim progress last year thats how i got to your blog

    any way i pulled out of IM last year had bad knees but when i went to watch the IM i was so pissed off i didnt push through and make it happen

    our NZ IM is in march i am crazy and thinking of getting back on teh bike but is there enough time

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